when i look back over the pass year of my life i realize that i have been barely making it! this truth applies to several areas of my life and honestly i believe it is a direct result of something i have done wrong! :/ I'm not going to sit here and blame it on the "recession" because i choose not to partake in it...all of my needs have been met this year. all the necessary things needed to survive from day to day! it seemed like if the gas tanks (both natural and spiritual) were on E that i would always find a way to be optimistic! in reality they were on E and i had no way of filling either one of them up...or did i not have the desire to fill them up!? *sigh*
needless to say...it's been a little over a month since i have felt this way "stuck"! while there are many who have high hopes for me there are times when i question those hopes for myself! and i know we all have these "low" moments, but it seems like i have more of these then other people i know. lol "oh earl!" lol
some may call it a "pity party" but i call it reality. i have found that in order to get from where you are; whether that's good or bad. you have to be realistic! know exactly where you are and where you stand. so many times we put on these big fronts and pose as being on top when in all actually where sinking DEEP! *smh* no more fronts for earl! this is who i am....confused, rejected, worried, disheartened, thoughtful, etc.....but on the flip side i still have faith! that's the life of a believer!
"hold on to faith and faith will hold on to you" Rod Parsley
"when a command from God is given, reason is never required. faith and faith alone must answer that door" Rod Parsley
these small quotes along with my daily readings are the only things that have been getting be through...
p.s. i had someone text me this morning and say "how are you?" i was very honest with them about how i was feeling and they responded..."i knew something was wrong. i will start to pray!" lol isn't it funny that even when you choose not to speak of your pain to others they still can see it, sense it, feel it!? lol
check out the clip below! the song is about 10 plus years old, but its still relevant today! atleast for me it is....
growing pains,
earl
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